Recently, I read a post, On Shattering at Close Range, in a blog that I highly recommend for intelligent writing that makes the reader think, in which the writer made some observations about a boorish dinner guest who made bigoted comments, evoking discomfort and disapproval on the part of the other guests. I left a comment in which I questioned why, when someone makes a bigoted comment based on race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, socio-economic class, religious belief, etc., the rest of us behave as if we are the ones who have done something embarrassing. I've been thinking about this issue ever since.
It seems to me that bigotry is nourished by our silence. It doesn't matter that the object of the bigotry is not present at the particualr gathering. Seldom are the distasteful remarks made in the presence of the group being discriminated against; does this make the comments any less reprehensible?
There is a scene in a film starring Gregory Peck, "Gentleman's Agreement," in which a non-Jewish woman tells a Jewish friend, who is a decorated veteran of WWII, of boorish, anti-Semitic remarks made by a dinner party guest. Her Jewish friend repeatedly asks her, "What did you do?" She doesn't understand the question and variously responds that everyone else ignored the man, felt embarrassed for him, etc. Finally, she really hears the substance of his question, "What did you do when you witnessed this man's bigoted commentary?" Upon understanding the question, she looks away, unable to fully face her friend's gaze, finally comprehending that silence in the face of bigotry is a sort of agreement to overlook the bigotry and in doing so convey to the perpetrator a tacit approval of his or her beliefs.
I first read the book and saw the movie when I was in my 20's, and I've never forgotten that scene.
The film was adapted from a novel of the same name by Laura Hobson, and published shortly after WWII when the world was still trying to understand the how and why of the horrors revealed in the camps. I've always thought that Hobson was challenging us all to look in the mirror and ask ourselves, "What did you do?"
This is not a rhetorical discussion for me. I am a news junkie and everyday the news is filled with behaviors that have at their root bigotry and prejudice. I can't but wonder what it will take for humankind to become intolerant of intolerance. When will the bigoted boor be asked to leave the party? When will the rest of us make the bigot feel ashamed to espouse such hatred in front of us?
I have had people suggest that I am consumed with self-righteousness because I have no problem calling someone out for their foolish, bigoted commentary. I used to try and appease those people and tone down my challenge of the bigot's comments. It's a new day, and if challenging prejudice, bigorty, and discrimination makes me self-righteous, then hallelujah and amen, I'm self-righteous. The other argument that people frequently offer for remaining silent is that we are all entitled to freedom of speech. I firmly believe that. One of the reasons that I became a lawyer is because I believe in the principals espoused in our consititution, including freedom of speech. However, freedom of speech does not mean that I have to allow your words to go unchallenged. When I choose to challenge bigoted speech, I'm exercise my right to speak freely. Why should someone else's freedom of speech supress my own right to freedom of speech? If you're bold enough to speak and/or behave as a bigot, don't hide behind the Bill of Rights; you put it out there, now suffer the consequences.
If we witness bigotry in words or deeds, and say nothing, then we are condoning that behavior by our silence. Bigotry is the nasty seed that breeds hate, feeds wars, engenders genocide, and nurtures holocausts. In the words of Albert Einstien, "The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it."
Music is by Tracy Chapman, Talkin Bout a Revolution
15 comments:
I so completely agree with you, I get very angry when people make these remarks and others laugh them off, however if you said the same thing it's an issue. I for my sins always speak up beacuse it's the right thing to do and your quite right it allows bigoted behaviour to flourish and flourish it does. Further to this when I hear kids making similar comments and the parents, say that they got it from school BS thy learn it at home, therefore becomes learned behavouir, which then takes them into adult hood and we then have to listen to their bigoted comments forever more. If only people would speak up. Sorry about the rant.
Thanks for the Xmas e-card, and hope you had a nice Christmas.
Happy New year to you
love
Yasmin
xx
I will add that at times, a well-placed silence speaks volumes. It just depends upon the situation (and I only thought of this as I did thus over Christmas break, and my daughter later commented how it was obvious I had disagreed with the other person, who then did not continue on her train of speaking).
I have, however, also responded to people, or queried them back, etc.. My instinct is to tread lightly, I hate making waves, it was how I protected myself. But I HAVE also spoken out, and will do so again if need be. Heck, I find it just amazing how often people speak negatively about groups of people. It can't be condoned, or it'll live on.
I always look for a thought provoking entry from you, and I have often thought about this same problem and once made up my mind if it was at all possible I would speak up when I heard intolerant or bigoted remarks. I used to warn the coffee klatch of men that if any of them used the n word I would get up and walk out as to me that was my grandchild they were talking about who had never done anything bad to anyone and whose only crime in some people's eyes was being born half black. I have had many battles with white bigots over the n word. Recently one tried to argue with me, saying that that was just a word to describe someone bad, not just a black person. I said oh no, I am not buying that. You are using a word that is hateful to black people because it has been used to demean so many years, and you are too stubborn to admit that using it shows your lack of respect for their feelings. Because if you don't say something, they just keep on using the mishapen logic they justify their remarks with. I will never stop fighting this battle. I am thinking that might help make the world a tiny bit better for my grandson. Gerry
powerful entry and einstien's quote is a perfect ending. i have been guilty of remaining silent in the past because i'm introverted...don't want to make waves or draw attention to myself...but i resolve to do better and speak up the next time i'm in this situation!
gina
I haven't seen the movie, nor read the book. I think one can use silence as a remark in and of itself... with the glare from the eyes. But now that I'm older and capable of coming up with a more intelligent response, I do speak against bigoted remarks. I do respond with words. I'm slow in thinking them, but they do eventually get heard.
When people hang out with members of their own 'group/clique', it's easy for them to lose contact with the greater group... and easy to continue speaking as members of their little circle think and speak. They get lots of support in their circle of friends, in their little sub-culture.
Before someone even utters a bigoted remark, they have to think it... they would have to change their way of thinking, not only their way of speaking. It is good to point this out to them. I think some people aren't aware that what they are saying/thinking is bigotry. When pointed out, in a civil, thoughtful way as you do, they can decide if they truly believe what they're saying, or not, and make necessary changes, or not. It is helpful to point it out so they have a chance to recognize what they are doing.
I respond verbally, sometimes in light, sometimes more serious, depending upon the situation and the person. If the atmosphere in which it was generated doesn't change as a result, I show my distaste by leaving. Usually when a person continues to act in this immature, disrespectful, boorish manner, I can't stand to be around them. And I decline future invitations to be in their presence. Their words herald a chaotic mindset. Some people resist efforts to have their mindset reorganized! bea
If I can keep my wits about me, I find an effective approach something along the lines of "why are you so angry?" (which makes them crazy with denial, confirming my accusation) It puts the onus where it belongs, shifting the focus to the sayer of the bigotry and away from the object of his bigotry. One of the best phrases to come out of the younger generation is "Don't be a hater" which accomplishes something similar.
As the recipient of "faggot" by passengers in a passing vehicle, just by being in a gay neighborhood, more times than I can count, I also remember that such venom is entirely reflective of the person spewing it. Why should I react exactly as he wishes by feeling kicked in the stomach? If he called me a "goddamned chair!" with equal hostility, I wouldn't be offended, I would think he's quite deluded and only take sensible precautions lest he got physical. His hate is not about me, it's about him, regardless if the word technically applies to me.
What makes the n-word somewhat different is its historical legacy, as its expression often preceded lynching and violence. Thank God this is a relative rarity nowadays, most of the time the greatest harm comes from the degree to which someone to whom it's directed internalizes its sentiment. We need to collectively mock the haters, but to take offense largely gives them the reaction they seek.
As always, intelligently written and thought provoking. Thanks for all the words you have shared with us over this past year Sheria. May 2008 be a truly wonderful year for you and yours.
love,
Marie
http://journals.aol.co.uk/mariealicejoan/MariesMuses/
You hit the nail directly on the head. Far too many people are silent in the face of bigoted remarks which I have always felt is part of the on going problem. I too take a bold stance in the face of any slurry statement and that person creating the foolishness must be prepared to hear repsonses to the contrary.
Always good reading what's on your mind.
Spencer
Thank you for this entry. I have been on the other end of discrimination in one form or another my entire life..... I can't bring myself to sit quietly by while another does the same to others. We are responsible for our own actions, we can't possibly control the actions of others, nor do we have to condone those actions. I have found the most effective tool is knowledge. To quietly , eloquently question the bigotted comments and boorish attitude. If your retort in anger, you invite anger in response. If you allow someone to know your distaste of the subject matter with a few well said words, the end equation is usually their embarrassment , a diffused ego.....In short you can do your part to stand up against such behavorior without having to grand stand. People are more likely to tune in and listen to a quiet well thought approach , than to a shouting match of indignity. Wishing you a wonderful, loving New Year all the year long. (Hugs) Indigo
You are so right in all that you say. I wonder at times why is it that boldness is only found in people who show from what they say that they would be better off if they kept their mouth shut and I bet the people at this dinner party all went home talking about that one person and never said anything to correct them face to face.
Have a very Happy New Year!
In your unique, stalwart way, may you never belittlte your strongly held beliefs by "toning down" one word. I saw that movie at about the same age as well, and had a similar reaction - what did you do? What? In your life, as now you come upon the end of one and beginning of another year, may you never be silent, may your voice always ring true and loud, may your heart be as generous today as it was yesterday, and God bless your sweet soul, my friend. I applaud and admire you for tearing away the curtain of self-deceit we hide behind. xoxo CATHY
Have you ever argued your stance on something and end up becoming so angry that you realize that this person just doesn't get it? I've learned from several occassions that you just can't argue with a stupid person. Sometimes, it's just that simple!
Just popping by to wish you Happy New Year!
Guido
http://journals.aol.co.uk/pharmolo/NorthernTrip/
A social occasion requires a deft selection
of guests. But even so, sticky subjects can
come up damning the essentially open minded.
For example I want it recognized in LA schools
not just that English speakers are in the majority,
but, far more inmportant, English is demonstrably
superior to Spanish. Already I'm in trouble. "superior"
is not clever used here. But I've done it. In his splendid
essay by Robert Graves (written with another) he
shows, IMO that English is plain and simply superior,
but being English, and tactful, his essay, the first chapter
of his book READER OVER YOUR SHOULDER published in the
1940s, he gives the chapter title as THE PECULAIR
QUALITIES OF ENGLISH. He tells the facts, size of vocabulary,
and flexibility of grammar, plus borrowings not just from
Latin but umpteen other languages. [Example,
Schadenfreud from German.]
Main Entry: scha·den·freu·de
Function: noun
Pronunciation: 'shä-d & n-"fro i-d&
Usage: often capitalized
Etymology: German, from Schaden damage + Freude joy
: enjoyment obtained from the troubles of others
At a dinner party I might fly off in an ignorant rant
to the effect that I bet Schadenfreude is not in the
Spanish dictionary. I'd be branded a boor and showoff.
See, the trouble might come from the fact that it simply
isn't done in Spanish culture to allow that any Spanish speaking person would be rude enough to accuse anyone of taking pleasure in the pain of others.
Am I digging my own grave here? ha ha ha ha ha.....
_______________
You're a lawyer??! Are there instances in which you'd take on an iffy bigot client? I grew up in a culture so homogeneous
I think I might have dug my grave. Ha ha ha ha ha ha
Love,
Barry
Had to severely cut my Comment
for being over 2000 words.
-Barry
The reference is to Australia.
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