Imagine if you will, a short, pleasingly plump, female hamster with adorable curly twists, running non-stop on a wheel for two weeks straight. Imagine that said hamster, having jumped off the treadmill for a brief respite, is now doing a happy dance and singing "Hallelujah."
Let me be clear about something; I am very lucky to have a job that I find exciting, never boring, and intellectually stimulating; however, that doesn't mean that on occasion I don't want to scream poor, poor pitiful me as I slog through 50-plus hour work weeks when the state legislature is in session. North Carolina has a biennial legislature, so the current session is the 2007-2009 session. Every other year is a short session to make needed adjustments to the two-year budget passed in the previous year. This year is the short session which means that it did not begin until May and that the session will most likely end at the end of June or July.
Consequently, all of the legislators have been in a bill filing frenzy and I, and my colleagues, have been running on that little hamster wheel trying to write and publish, on a daily basis, an analysis of each and every bill that is filed. My typical work day has been 11 hours with one exceptionally long day coming in at 12.5 hours.
Okay, enough whining, I have a journal entry to write. The only problem is that so much has happened in the past few weeks that I can't settle down on what topic that I want to address. Of course part of my inability to focus on a topic is that I'm buzzed on caffeine. (My sister reads all of my journal entries so this message is to her: it was an accident!)
I'm supposed to avoid caffeine because I have a wacky heart arrhythmia known as atrial fibrillation. My A-fib is classified as chronic which means that although medication helps, my heart does not stay in a regular sinus rhythm. My cardiologist recommends that I stay away from caffeine, as it is a stimulant. I am pretty diligent about doing so, although I cheat two or three times a year and have a piece of chocolate but I don't drink caffeinated beverages at all.
Last week, I stopped by the grocery store to pick up some decaf coffee beans. Today I had a craving for iced coffee. As I was pouring the beans out of the dark brown bag into my little coffee grinder, I had this nagging feeling that I was missing something but I couldn't figure out what it was. I filled my very large insulated mug halfway with the coffee (made very strong to avoid dilution of the coffee flavor when I added the ice), added non-dairy creamer and two packs of equal, then added ice.
The first really large cup was so good that I had a second. Then I started feeling weird, little flutters in my chest, slight nausea and some mild dizziness. I decided that I was dehydrated and drank more iced coffee. Finally my brain caught up with that nagging feeling that I had when I was making the coffee.
"Sheria, what color bag does the decaf coffee that you always purchase come in?"
(I often have discussions with myself, doesn't everyone?)
Self, "Green."
Other self, "And what color is the bag that you used to make your coffee today?"
Self, "Brown. Oops!"
So here I sit, having had two and one-half large mugs of iced and highly caffeinated coffee. I promise you that I am not in danger of dying but I will be up until the wee hours of the morning. I'm dosing myself with plain old water in the hope of somehow defusing the caffeine high that I'm currently on, but I'm still buzzing like a bee on steroids.
Consequently, I can't seem to settle on one thing to write about--there's Hillary and Barack, Princess Beatrice and the British tabloids, the emails that I keep getting about French porn, or the advice on bathroom etiquette that my sister sent me earlier this week.
I just paused to read an email from a friend and was inspired by his comparison of Hillary Clinton to Evita Peron to create my own little vision of Hillary channeling Evita Peron. Of course, as I'm high on caffeine and doing the hamster dance, what began as a simple parody of "Don't Cry for Me Argentina," turned into a little video project. The lyrics are pasted below the video. You'll haveto wait until another day for the French porn and the bathroom etiquette tips.
Hillary's Song
Don't cry for me, my America
I'll never, ever leave you
All through Bill's wild days, and my mad existence
I've kept my promise
To go the distance
P.S. Yes, Rhonda, I poured the rest of that coffee down the drain and I'm taking the rest of the bag to work Monday and donating it to my office mates.
If you can't view the video here, the YouTube link is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DcJzYS_84w
Tags: Hillary Clinton, Evita Peron, caffeine, atrial fibrillation, hamster dance
14 comments:
Good Morning...I do hope that you eventually calmed down....and managed to sleep at this moment I think you should actually be asleep !!....what a carry on you sure had...I too talk to myslef often but yesterday I found myself speaking to the oven chips I was cooking....maybe I have at last gone round that bend !! (as we say over here a wee blue van will be coming soon to take me away) I hope that your hours at work start to wind down a little bit soon. Loved the song!! do you think she will ever give up I heard during the night that she may still go right through till August...you would think if she had any thought for her party she would give up and let the best MAN win....I think, hope, at least he will in the end. Have a good week. Love Sybil xx
Ahh..what a cute hamster you are though! I have stayed away from coffee for years now, and not just because Mormons don't drink coffee either. I had stopped drinking it well before I joined the church. Now I drink water and nothing but. It's sparkling water though...can't get past that craving for fizzy! I am still chuckling as imagining you as a hamster though. lol Good to hear from you girl!!! You don't post near often enough, but then again, I know how it goes. Life does get in the way of fun at times!
love,
marie
http://ayearatoakcottage.blogspot.com/
Oh ,Dear Sheria ,I hope your dear heart is back on track again ,If your sister is anything like mine she will be ringing you up and telling you all the stuff you already know lol ,pleased to hear things have slowed down abit at work ,and yes both of me has conversations with each other !!The song was great ,cant help thinking you missed your vocation heehee ..love Jan xx
Sheria!!! I hope by this morning that you were able to finally slow down and go to sleep... and mostly, I hope you are well this morning. That is scary, drinking the wrong coffee. I always worry about that when I order decaf at restaurants... do they really give me the decaf or the regular? How would I ever know? I can't tell the difference by tasting it. I hope your heart has calmed down to a more acceptable and healthy rate for you. I loved the video... and your lovely voice... the lyrics... you are too funny. It must have taken you hours to make that video and add the music... I won't even ask, how did you find the time, because we all know that Caffeine gives you the time, having stole it from Sleep. Have a restful day, and I enjoyed reading this entry (at the expense of your buzziness). <grin>
bea
Although worrisome the telling as always is a delight....
I loved the video. Thank you for including the lyrics, I love the fact you take such good care of me that way dear friend.
Here's to hoping the hamster wheel gets jammed up a little to give you some reprieve and by now the caffeine has worked itself out of your system. (Hugs) Indigo
I'm starting to think they should play "you're so vain" as Hillary's them esong. You can always chime in when they come to "clouds in my coffee" - see how I deftly referred to you caffeinated theme?
I have 2-3 cups every morning and that's it. But not this mornig. I have tummy trouble 2 days running now. Universal Studios is on fire and so are my bowels.
you are too funny.... buzzing like a bee on steroids!!! lol anyway...i'm sure you've descended by now and i hope you are feeling well....and rested after that horrendous work week! it's a good thing you like your job! :) the video wouldn't come up for me. hope next week is better.
gina
So sorry you mixed up the bags and had the "nasty" stuff :o)
Yes, I do have conversations like that with myself. The cat looks at me with her head tilted to the side sometimes, lol!
Goodness, you have a heavy work load! That's got to be draining. Easy to see how you got the coffee bags mixed up after working those kind of hours.
Hoping your schedule calms down soon!
You are hysterical.
That song is, as well. Even without combining ALL of the possible entry items into one entry.
And, well, just to be sure, you had almost 3 cups of extra strong coffee??!!!
Yes, please do be careful next time.......... and I even skipped caffeine during work hours today and had a Panera (low-fat Stonybrook yogurt) strawberry smoothie instead. I think I wanted carbs more than caffeine, and, well, that's a no for me, too, but hey. I'll pretend you inspired me :)
I have to say something about Beatrice. I remember what seems like a very long time ago reading an interview with Fergie about a charitable commitment that greatly interested me & then it veered off into her bulimia. I almost didn't read that part, then did. It was horridly painful having her explain her total lack of self-esteem made worse by all the attention(which she readily admitted she wanted, but then had to pay for the desire with all the negativity) she garnered as a Duchess. She spoke of eating binges(after her children were in bed) that lasted hours, with her crying the whole time. The idea that her daughter is being tortured with the same kind of "attention," must be so terribly devastating. We can all say how very sad it is, but then many of us buy a publication just because that very thing graces the cover.
I'd love to berate(not really) you for all that caff while being a chronic A fib but most I've met thru medical actually chance much more caff more often than you. People do love their legal highs(me included-drinking Starbucks now).
~Mary
I got a kick out of this song and I was alarmed when I read about the brown bag vs. the green, knowing how some forbidden substances can affect me when I succumb to temptation. My current addiction is to chile limon potato chips. I seem to get addicted to another unlikely substance as soon as I banish one from my diet in my never ending need to be comforted for some new low. But I do hope you never get so busy or so wiped out you cannot write! Gerry
Of COURSE I have conversations w/myself, continuous, Q&A, timely things. I'm having one now with YOU however, and encourage the absence of stimulants in your lovely life, Sheria friend. I know what AF is and darlin with your energy you shouldn't need a synthetic upper! Hey with your job I have to thank you, we need folks in gov'mt who put their shoulder to the wheel, as it were. No hamster pun intended lol. Nice dancing, now calm down and read something! XOXO CATHY
http://journals.aol.com/luddie343/DARETOTHINK/
Missed you! We're back from Florida, and I'm catching up on journals....
Glad you gifted the caffeinated coffee! I was always a Diet Pepsi girl, but after I was told that I had osteopenia, I stopped the caffeine. On the rare occasion that I have caffeinated beverages, they light me up like a freakin' Christmas tree.
Hope things calm down for you at work soon!
Beth
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